Reach.for.the.Stars

[[My life goals.]]

I'm just going to start this list, now.
I will add to it when I think of more things.

Be able to do a backflip.
Be able to do the splits.
Visit a cave/cavern.
Visit the mountains.
Visit a desert.
Go to visit another country.
Go to all 50 states.
Go to every country.
Visit a swamp.
Swim with dolphins.
Ride on an airplane.
Go on a ride in a hot air balloon.
Ride on a dune buggy.
Go sand surfing.
Go surfing.
Go parasailing.
Get a book (or a few) published.
Possibly bungee jumping? Idk if I'm too scared... haha.
Same with sky diving... I'll give it a maybe.
Scuba diving? Another maybe.

Okay, so there are tons more things that I could list, but I'm getting tired.
Goodnight.

I'm Not Sorry.

Not one little bit.

It's not my fault &&
I'm starting to see it.

Why do I act like I do?
Out of fear.
Fear that I'll fail.
Fear that it'll be the end.
Fear that I'll lose it all.

I've worked too hard to just throw it all away
I thought the plan was set to forever,
but I'm not so sure that plan will stay.

Maybe tomorrow I'll figure out exactly what I want
And, if that's not the case, I will continue to hunt
through my head, my heart, my soul...

Love will still exist even if I let go.

- - - - - - -

Just give me a chance.
the light of day.
hear me out.
please do it my way,
for once.
this time can be the last
if damage is beyond repair.
did you ever love me?
do you still care?
yes? no?
It doesn't really matter.
I don't have it in me,
to trust what you say.
One way or another,
I'm gonna give it to you straight.
Can't handle it?
Then just be on your way.

Back to School.

And, I won't see you at all.
[[Maybe it's for the best?]]

The thing is, I didn't take the last few months for granted;
I knew at the beginning that it would be an end.
I tried so hard to prepare, but it just wasn't possible.

Maybe I'll find an awesome person in one of my classes this semester.
[[Then again, maybe not; I mean, I never do.]]
I need someone in my life who will love everything about me - someone who will never be embarrassed by me - and treat me how I deserve to be treated all the time, not just once in awhile.

All I know right now is hurt, dissappointment, and fear;
I don't want to put up with it anymore;
I don't deserve to put up with it anymore.

Today at 11:11 I didn't wish for you like I always do.
Chances do run out, eventually... that time is near.

*Disclaimer*
I am so tired right now! So, if nothing makes sense and/or nothing flows, I am not to be held accountable. =] haha.

Also, I am not really a negative Debbie downer on a day-to-day basis. It just so happens that I usually feel the urge to blog more often when I'm in a craptastic mood.

The end.

A New Year.

&& Old Situations.
(they're getting OLD!)

It's 2010.
Everything that I though would go away is happening again.

Resolutions?
Be more like someone else for the sake of actually being the most important for once in my life. Why must I fail so badly at friendships? It's ridiculous.
Okay, so that's not really my resolution, but I wish I didn't have to work so hard for something that should just occur naturally. Why does it take me so much longer that anyone else to establish anything important in life. Then, once I have it, it just gets ripped away. One wrong move, and I feel like I'll lose everything - I'll be put out of the picture forever. I hate this feeling so very much, but I just can't get over it.

I have decided that it is not who I am that holds me back, but rather who I think I am not.

Who I am: Artistic. Creative. Caring. Genuine...
Who I think I am not: Important enough.

Some real resolutions:
•Increase self confidence.
•Exercise regularly.
•Eat healthy (er).
•Stop procrastinating.
•Don't worry; be happy. (:

My Facebook 'About Me' from 2009:
I'm just the skinny girl with the big brown eyes who is easily amused yet hard to please. I laugh at silly movies, && I'm stubborn as a stone. Yea, I criticize my body, worry all the time, && wonder if I'm ready to ever grow up. And, sometimes I'm just too "unique" for my own good. But, then again, life's not about fitting in, it's about standing out.
So, don't ever tell me that I have no life, I do - I just find my own ways to have fun.[[ Drinking is just a lame excuse of a hobby - unless we're talking juice pouches.]] I don't need to follow the crowd to be cool; sorry to disappoint you.
I still color in coloring books; I still play on the playground; I still watch cartoons. My true friends accept me for who I am; they are there when no one else cares, and that's all that really matters ♥

I just took it off; time to change things up, and hopefully change my life around.