At 11:11 I Wish for You.
I always do.
[[Ever noticed that I always
post blogs at the same exact time?
Well, it's just an illusion;
I alter the post time. =P]]
DAMN! It's seriously 11:12 right now.
=[ I missed it!
- - - - - - - - - -
Alrighty, let us move on to our topic. Post Secrets.
Ya know, people send in anonymous post cards to this place//company//site//whatever it is and write down their deep dark secrets in creative ways. Yea, that.
I've been reading a lot of them; I find them interesting - yet sometimes sad.
Actually, this blog of mine is a giant Post Secret in itself. I guess I don't have to send any postcards out.
I'm actually in a semi-good mood right now. Probably because I get to hang out with one of my best friends tomorrow. Finally. But, I can tell that all the other emotions are just waiting to come back out when the slightest of something upsets me. That is bound to be soon. Just trust me.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to watch some Post Secret videos on YouTube and jot down some of the ones that apply to me. Hopefully it doesn't put a damper on my mood.
"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others, and the ones we hide from ourselves."
•I make everyone believe that I like to be different, but really I just don't know how to fit in.
•If you wait too long for the perfect moment, the perfect moment will pass you by.
•I wish I could meet the people who send stuff to Post Secret... a lot of them are just like me.
•We all have secrets.
•Your smile is all it takes for me to smile.
•I wish I could just be myself and not care what everyone else thinks.
•I miss my old friends.
•Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down.
•I've always wanted to run through a car wash.
•I wish I knew more gay people.
I'm getting tired. So, that's all for now.
[[Oh, and how did I know I'd be sad soon! Just for not being included in anything lately. =[ It's possible that I could be, but I highly doubt it... ]]
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Past, Present, & Future.
"Remember the past, live in the present, & think to the future."
I guess you could say that quote belongs to me. But, I seem to have trouble balancing out the three parts.
The truth is, at times like this - when I feel neglected, alone, and paranoid - I seem to dwell on the past, mope around in the present, and dread what the future may bring.
What I need to do is listen to Carlos Santana: “Most people are prisoners, thinking only about the future or living in the past. They are not in the present, and the present is where everything begins.” Or, maybe not, because his first sentence describes me quite well; I am often a prisoner of my thoughts, memories, and feelings. And, all I do with my present is regret.
I still think back to certain AIM conversations. What if I would have said "No. That doesn't sound dumb at all, because I wish I could hug someone for an hour, too. And, I want it to be you." What if I would have stepped up and branched out? What if I would have stood up for myself more often? What if I were more outspoken? What if I would have left that lunch table, too? ... I could go on forever - ultimitely ending up with: What if I was less like myself...
Ugh. I beat myself up time and time again by thinking. And, then I wonder about that whole do-things-actually-happen-for-a-reason thing. Do they? Because, in that case, if things had went differently in the past, would the changes to the future - my present - be for the better? Maybe I'll never know. But, anyhow, is my present actually that great?
Is it great to be stuck at home while your best friend is constantly on vacation without you?
Is it great that someone who lives literally less than a minute away from me hasn't hung out with me at all?
Is it great to feel like the odd one out in a group that I could never get close to?
I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I feel like I'm growing further apart from people. It doesn't even matter whos fault it is, becuase I always find a way to blame it on myself.
How do I make everything turn out alright? If I forget the past completley that won't do anything for me - friendships need a history to be strong. But, if I stay fixated on what has already happened I won't be able to move on and make anything better.
[[Tell me you're sorry; build up my trust; hold me close to show me that what we have is going to last forever. I need to be reminded; I need to be reassured.]]
p.s. I fail at keeping up with this blogging thing. =P
I guess you could say that quote belongs to me. But, I seem to have trouble balancing out the three parts.
The truth is, at times like this - when I feel neglected, alone, and paranoid - I seem to dwell on the past, mope around in the present, and dread what the future may bring.
What I need to do is listen to Carlos Santana: “Most people are prisoners, thinking only about the future or living in the past. They are not in the present, and the present is where everything begins.” Or, maybe not, because his first sentence describes me quite well; I am often a prisoner of my thoughts, memories, and feelings. And, all I do with my present is regret.
I still think back to certain AIM conversations. What if I would have said "No. That doesn't sound dumb at all, because I wish I could hug someone for an hour, too. And, I want it to be you." What if I would have stepped up and branched out? What if I would have stood up for myself more often? What if I were more outspoken? What if I would have left that lunch table, too? ... I could go on forever - ultimitely ending up with: What if I was less like myself...
Ugh. I beat myself up time and time again by thinking. And, then I wonder about that whole do-things-actually-happen-for-a-reason thing. Do they? Because, in that case, if things had went differently in the past, would the changes to the future - my present - be for the better? Maybe I'll never know. But, anyhow, is my present actually that great?
Is it great to be stuck at home while your best friend is constantly on vacation without you?
Is it great that someone who lives literally less than a minute away from me hasn't hung out with me at all?
Is it great to feel like the odd one out in a group that I could never get close to?
I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I feel like I'm growing further apart from people. It doesn't even matter whos fault it is, becuase I always find a way to blame it on myself.
How do I make everything turn out alright? If I forget the past completley that won't do anything for me - friendships need a history to be strong. But, if I stay fixated on what has already happened I won't be able to move on and make anything better.
[[Tell me you're sorry; build up my trust; hold me close to show me that what we have is going to last forever. I need to be reminded; I need to be reassured.]]
p.s. I fail at keeping up with this blogging thing. =P
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